Florida

[Tzatziki]

I don't know if any of you has noticed this, but whenever I come across a weird news story it seems that a disproportionate amount of these bizarre misadventures have occurred in this state. I thought we could discuss this phenomena or at the very least document some of these funny stories. For example: 

 

Florida Woman Arrested for Drinking Wine and Eating a Whole Chicken While Riding a Motorized Cart in Walmart

 

 

The puzzling state that is Florida and its revolving door of kooky characters can either spit out somewhat harmless, amusing tales like a wife being arrested for assault after her husband farted in bed or ugly slices of life such as this racist woman accusing two Brazilian men of being terrorists. Amusing and ugly elements both lie in this new story from Florida in which a woman is arrested after shoplifting wine, a whole rotisserie chicken, and more, while driving a motorized cart through Walmart.

 

Per WFLA the Palm Beach Post reports 20-year-old Josseleen Lopez was arrested by the Citrus County Sheriff?s Office last Tuesday at a Walmart in Lecanto. Lopez caught the eye of an employee who saw her driving around with a half-drunken wine bottle in her cart the employee told law enforcement. In addition to the wine Lopez had a feast where she was seen eating from a box of sushi she took, some cinnamon rolls, and mini-muffins. The awful combination of food was topped off with Lopez eating a whole rotisserie chicken as she drove through aisles, according to deputies. The underage boozing and feeding frenzy reportedly racked up a bill of over $30.

 

Lopez had two empty syringes on her when she was arrested. She told them she had shot up meth. Lopez was arrested for shoplifting and possessing drug pMelachrinosernalia.

 

http://ca.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/12/florida-woman-arrested-drinking-wine-eating-chicken-driving-motorized-cart-through-walmart

[Tzatziki]

It must be a combination of the drugs and hot weather or something...

[skinny]

I love Florida

[gyros]

They always have a segment on Florida every morning on the local radio station and basically all the weird s%$#! does happen down there.  

[Tzatziki]

Bath salts are big down there I heard as well.

 

[skinny]

im in fort myers

[Tzatziki]

Florida Man Accused of Using Wife as Human Mop

 

 

http://ca.complex.com/pop-culture/2016/01/human-mop-arrest-florida

[skinny]

That looks like Mike the Knife

[Tzatziki]

Florida Man Busted for Tossing Gator Through Wendy's Drive-Thru Window

 

 

http://ca.complex.com/life/2016/02/florida-man-tosses-alligator-wendys-drive-thru

[Tzatziki]

Florida Woman Steals Clothes, Leaves a Puddle of Urine Behind

 

 

http://ca.complex.com/life/2016/02/florida-woman-retail-theft

[Tzatziki]

Florida Woman Fights State to Keep Clothes-Wearing Pet Gator Named Rambo

 

 

 

 

 

Though one might assume that alligators get nothing but the royal treatmentdown in the magical land of opportunity known as Florida, one woman and her human-esque pet gator are sadly learning otherwise. Mary Thorn, proud owner of a 15-year-old gator named Rambo, is now battling Florida Fish and Wildlife authorities to keep her beloved friend. Rambo recently achieved a new length of six feet and is now legally required to have 2.5 acres of land of his own, theAssociated Press reports.

 

 

"Everyone will tell you that I treat that animal like a baby," Thorn told theOrlando Sentinel on Tuesday of her trained companion. "He doesn?t do anything a normal gator does." Thorn is right. Instead of partaking in the usual gator festivities, Rambo is busy having his own bedroom filled with his own clothes. Occasionally, a Lakeland local might spot Rambo cruising around on the back of a motorcycle. When he?s not busy living the Floridian dream, Rambo also visits schools and charity events to show them what it?s like being the dopest reptile in town.

 

Rambo has remained a licensed resident for more than a decade, though his current length problem leaves him in a bit of a legal pickle. According to Thorn, the 125-pound gator couldn?t even use the 2.5 acres required by law because he has a sensitivity to sunlight due to being raised using a "filtered light environment." According to local officials, Thorn and Rambo's case is still under investigation. Thorn, however, is already feeling the pressure. "Without him, I don't feel like even wanting to go on," Thorn told the Sentinel.

 

http://ca.complex.com/life/2016/03/florida-woman-pet-gator-rambo-legal-battle

[Tzatziki]

Florida Man Allegedly Kills Brother Over Cheeseburger

 

 

 

http://ca.complex.com/life/2016/05/florida-man-kills-brother-over-cheeseburger

 

 

[Tzatziki]

Florida Man Shoots Himself, Doesn't Notice for 3 Days

 

 

 

http://ca.complex.com/life/2016/05/florida-man-shoots-himself-doesnt-notice-days

[Tzatziki]

damnnnnnnnnnnnnn what a lovely pair these two are  :ph34r:

[Tzatziki]

I'm telling you, I don't know what it is, but something about this state just seems to make the perfect storm for looney tunes.

[Tzatziki]

Just about the lowest kind of human scum the earth has to offer in this story, these low lives are truly disgusting and revolting. Some heartless cowards for real.

Florida Teens Laugh And Record Drowning Man Instead Of Helping

[Tzatziki]

Lit Florida Man Chugs Whiskey and Livestreams Wild Police Chase on Facebook Live

 

[Tzatziki]

Florida Man Arrested After Police Discover Botched Castration Attempt Inside His Home

[athinaios]

I like the little hatchets...so when the blades get dull, apply the hatchet! 

[Tzatziki]

You dark bro! 

[Tzatziki]

Florida Mother Attempted to Kill Children in Car Crash After Believing She Was Cursed

[Tzatziki]

Florida Authorities Investigating Craigslist Ad Offering Newborn Baby for $500

 

[Tzatziki]

Florida man woke to intruder trying to ‘suck toes’ on Christmas Eve, police say

[Tzatziki]

Florida Police Chief Suspended for Allegedly Claiming Officer Died of COVID-19 Because He Was Gay

[pash]

Who among us hasn't nibbled on some forbidden toesies?

 

In case anyone was curious, the "Florida Man" phenomenon is basically because Florida has very liberal freedom of information rules, which allows these kinds of stories to get found very very quickly. Wiki has a good explanation on its Florida Man page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florida_Man

Personally, I don't buy the end of that first paragraph, as the demographic- and mental health-funding arguments make it seem like Florida is unique in those respects (it definitely is not).