"The Greek attacker, on loan from Panathinaikos, sports a mullet straight out of the 1980s and is essentially an unreconstructed, old-fashioned centre-forward, bereft of skill or imagination. He's also dull as the river Ruhr off the pitch - going on long walks with his wife is his only known hobby - and doesn't exactly dazzle spectators on it. He contributes next to nothing to his team's game, wins the least challenges in the league and is flagged offside so often that assistant referees are in danger of developing tendonitis. Against Hannover last week he managed to stray offside five times in five minutes.
He's the anti-Thierry Henry, both in a good and bad sense: his all-round game might be severely lacking but his finishing is world-class. His goals and the retro-cool of his Vokuhila-hair (vorne kurz, hinten lang - the German shlong) have firmly established him as a Greek god in Bochum, the club colloquially known as the greyest of all "grey mice" in Germany.
Every time he scores, the Sirtaki booms out in the Rewirpower-Stadion. An ever increasing Greek contingent is attracted to the ground and this week he will coach a training session of Hellas Bochum, a local Greek women's team. Some of team-mates secretly begrudge his success and are convinced that he only sees the club as a stepping stone but they can't really complain: Gekas has become known as Bochum's "life insurance", as no club with the leading goal-scorer has ever been relegated in the league's history.
Sadly for Bochum, they are set to lose their surprisingly prolific hitman either way. Their option to buy Gekas for ?700,000 is only valid if they stay up - but if they do, wealthier clubs will step in. "Fanis" is rumoured to have already agreed terms with Leverkusen, who are looking to replace the Liverpool-bound Andre Voronin. It has to be said that Gekas' mullet would only be a slight improvement on the Ukrainian's raver ponytail. But goals are still more important, even in the Beckham age."
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